What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 27.06.2025 02:06
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My life is so biszare .
Why am I so unproductive when it's a holiday the next day?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
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Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I will be 64.
Put me off passion for life!!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I could never make a relationship work though!
What does the stink of the skunk look like? Why would it be dangerous?
Would this be the day?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
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I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
What did i know ?
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And i lived it daily.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She married twice! .
She was in good health!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
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But, we were locked up after school.
She found it foreign!.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Was to survive, this bastard.
I waited trembling.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
If there is an abandoned house with no owner, can I live in it?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Im still living with it.
Why has Biden pulled ahead in battleground states and is now projected to win the 2024 presidency?
I was seconnd youngest,
All the time i was locked up.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Can a Trump supporter explain what was wrong with what Bishop Budde said to Donald Trump?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
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Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was very sick at this time too.
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The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Why is Roblox so laggy it’s unplayable? My computer is fine and the internet is great.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
(And it was in our own minds.)
He knew the spot.
I was 9 years of age.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I don,t even have a pension.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Who then, do I blame.?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
It was going to be , some day.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
So, i spoilt her more .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I couldn’t, believe it.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
So whats the point in blame.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I never cut or harmed myself..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But it wasn’t much.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I think the readers, may guess!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I said to her
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Ive learnt so much.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I write beautiful poetry .
But ive been too sick for many years..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I have no regrets .
I was scared of men, in general
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My family never makes their pension either.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She loved him until the end.
This is soul school!.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She wouldn,t have been !
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
One cannot live in the past .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
As i do to all so called friends.?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Comes on , in middle age.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
We were not on the streets..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We all went to grammer schools
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
When she asked me how she looked .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.